April 6, 2010, Cycle 12, Day 8

Thought I’d start writing this before getting the lab results to see how the treatment will go today. I’m not sure how it will work for Day 8 if the counts are off now that the one chemo has been dropped. I’ve met two of the other ladies on the study. Annette is sitting beside me waiting for her chemo. She had her comparison scans last week and received good news this morning; the disease is decreasing and is she understandably happy. Georgette is the lady I asked for prayer for awhile back, she has been part of the study but didn’t get the BSI right away. She crossed over two weeks ago and started receiving the study drug and her scans showed no change…no change is good, please pray that the combination of the standard treatment and the study drug will result in disease reduction for Annette. Marjoria just joined us and her results are good, not as dramatic but still going in the right direction.

The counts are good and the Carboplatin is going! I am going to try and go without the decadron (steroid) and see how that goes.

Later…

The nicest part of today’s treatment was Rachel joining me. We had a good time visiting while the IV was going. This was the second week Bob wasn’t with me for the treatments. Last week, he and Greg were taking care of my dining room furniture and this week he took our dog, Gus to the vet. The news isn’t really good for Gus and we are trying to decide what will be best for him and what we are willing to do. Some may say he is “just” a dog and though I have had a “love/hate” relationship with him over the years, he is still family and it breaks my heart to see him hurting as well as the rest of the family.

As always, thank you for your continued you prayers.

Love to all,

Bonnie

March 16, 2010 – Cycle 11, Day 8

Hello Everyone,

I am at the infusion center and settling into the new chemo routine with the reduced dose. The counts were good, praise the Lord! Thank you all for your prayers. There are three other women here today who are on the same study as I am. They were all approved right at the deadline; I am the granny among them. I was study # 18 and their numbers are in the 400’s. We have been told that this study will open again in May in order to get more data. I haven’t taken a very hard look at the newest data, but Bob has and he says the length of progression free disease is increasing the longer the study goes. That is very encouraging news. The funny thing here today is the lady who has just come in wearing green hair in honor St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow. Chemo patients can tend to express their sense of humor in unique ways.

I am excited that my sister is coming to visit us this weekend. I will pick her up from the airport Thursday morning. We aren’t sure what we will do but hang out, visit and enjoy each other’s company.  I’m sure we will eat a couple of times in there.

Easter is fast approaching and all the preparation that goes with it. Please pray that we don’t get so caught up in the details that we don’t lose sight of Christ and the ultimate sacrifice He made on the cross and the victory He had over the grave. This season can be a great opportunity for those of us who know Christ to set things in order. If you don’t feel your relationship to Christ is what it should be and can’t figure out what it is, ask Him to reveal it to you (Some things are subtle, some things we turn a blind eye to…is there a grudge I am bearing? Am I unforgiving? Do I have a problem with controlling my speech? Am I not getting my way? Do I take pleasure in other people’s problems? ) Confess it to Him and ask Him to forgive you and ask for His power to overcome it. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” Phil 4:13

Love you all,

Bonnie

March 9, 2010 – Cycle 11, Day 1

My day started early, I have found that is best to get up 2 hours before I need to leave the house and get ready in stages, and part of getting ready is having my quiet time. Very early this morning I wrote this prayer in my journal not knowing what the day would bring, God knew and put this request on my heart:

“Father, it is all in Your hands.  The only choice I have in this will be how I respond – help me to respond, no matter what, with a thankful heart, one that loves You because You are the God of tender mercies, of healing, the One who gives me comfort and joy.”

We had a good visit with the doctor and our research nurse. There were no changes in the scans only in the comments of the radiologists. Dr. Goodman and Sue spent time with the radiologists yesterday tracking down a change or discrepancy from the comments 6 weeks ago with the comments from the scans taken last week.  The radiologist who read the scans 6 weeks ago did not “comment” on a very tiny spot in the left rib area (original tumor site), the radiologist who read last week’s scans did comment on it. Bottom line is that the scans from last time to this time show little or no change which is a good thing. We cannot say that there are no visible cancer cells, because there is no way of knowing for sure. But whatever is showing is in the fatty tissue around my middle, so I’m thinking maybe I should try and lose that fatty tissue and maybe that spot will disappear with it!

My platelet count was too low to get the chemo portion of the treatment today. I am hooked up with the study drug right now. This is the third occurrence which means that one of the chemo drugs, Gemsar, will be eliminated completely from the regimen. God is really working His peace in me right now because I seem quite calm. They started preparing me for the possibility of going off this particular drug months ago; I feel very fortunate to have been able to stay on it for as long as I have…ALL PRAISE TO GOD! The upside to this is that I get another week off chemo and another chance for my body to recoup for another try next week.

We appreciate your continued prayers, especially for our son Rob and his men for their health and safety while they are deployed.

With a thankful heart and love to all,

Bonnie

February 25, 2010

Hello.

I’m not sure if anyone is still following this or not, not there has been anything to follow since I have been a.w.o.l. once again. Tomorrow will be Cycle 10, Day 11. I missed the chemo portion of Day 1 because the platelet count was too low. This was the second occurrence of the counts being too low which meant another dose reduction.  The good thing is the platelet count came up and I was able get chemo on Day 8 but at a reduced dose. If there is a third occurrence, the gemsar dose of chemotherapy will be removed altogether.  I am blessed to have gone this far with the chemo portion of the treatments and God continues to allow my body to recover enough to get the treatment I need and then the rest my body needs to continue to fight this. The next set of comparison scans will be next week and with that the usual bit of anxiety. We hope and pray that the results will be the same as last time that the disease will continue to be a “no show.”

The following verses were part of my morning devotion today:

Proverbs 6:16-19 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁶These six things the Lord hates, indeed, seven are an abomination to Him:

    ¹⁷A proud look [the spirit that makes one overestimate himself and underestimate others], a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,  ¹⁸A heart that manufactures wicked thoughts and plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,  ¹⁹A false witness who breathes out lies [even under oath], and he who sows discord among his brethren.

It is always easy to look at these verses and point an accusing finger at someone else. I guess that is where the “proud look” comes to play, thinking more highly of myself than I should and less of others. I don’t think God was random when he ordered this list. I am thinking God wants us to get rid of our pride, if we can do that then we will be less likely to fall into the other things He hates, even that which is an abomination to Him. Proverbs 16:18 says, “First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall (The Message.)”  Lord, help me today, to not allow pride make me stumble and fall.

Love to all,

Bonnie

February 16, 2010 – Cycle 10, Day 1

Mixed emotions today, we received “the call” from Rob last night and everyone at the infusion center thinks my emotional state is because my platelet count was too low to receive the chemo portion of treatment today. I’m more concerned about Rob and Tiffany. I have had good reports and feel really blessed that Rob was able to leave with news on this end being on the upside.  Please pray with us that he and his men and ALL our service men will be safe, and that they come home healthy and whole in body and spirit and mind.

I really don’t have much else to share today.

Love to all,

Bonnie

February 2, 2010 - Cycle 9, Day 8

I just wanted to let everyone know that the counts are good today and I am getting the chemo right now. I still have a couple of hours to go and won’t be finished until about two-ish. I am feeling very fortunate with the last scan results. I have been at the Michigan site long enough to observe different patients and how they are responding to treatments. I don’t know her name, but there is a lady who has come in and she does not look well at all, I just heard the nurse say she is going to be admitted. I can see the toll it is taking on her husband, he seems to be exhausted and pretty much at the end of his rope. Please pray for them.

Love to all,

Bonnie

January 25, 2010 – Cycle 9, Day 1

It’s Christmas in January!!! I am sitting here getting chemo which is a very good thing because that means the counts were good. Even more exciting are the results of the latest scans. There has been more improvement in the scans, so much so, that the pleural effusion is no longer seen and the spot on the liver is not seen, as far as the lung, to quote the report, “the previously described tiny nodule in the right middle lobe is not convincingly seen, or it could be a tiny scar.” Praise the Lord! (I will not quote another comment of the radiologist and if I hear that Bob has, he will be in big trouble).  We wondered out loud to the doctor about when we might discontinue chemo, but that is not an option until toxicity becomes an issue. Bottom line, I’ll be on chemo for a very long time, as the doctor says, the scan results are good but they might not be picking up cancer cells that might be lurking about. Isn’t that just the way it goes, you get great news and at the same time a bit of a warning. Sometimes it’s hard to keep it all in balance. So, I am praying that as the reports continue to be so good that I won’t be consumed about what might be there and that I will be able to rejoice in the good news and make the most of the good days.

I am sort of getting into the “staying at home” mode. I had all these grandiose ideas of what I would do with all the time I spend there. Until the last couple of weeks I didn’t have the “want to get started” on anything much less the staying power to finish a project. I’m not exactly sure when, but several years ago, I decided I was going to get rid of the canning jars full of 10-12 year old vegetables (various types) that “decorated” the space above my kitchen cabinets.  Well, yesterday, I got all those jars down, emptied them, carried the contents out to the woods, and washed the jars (the jars are ready to go to a good home if anyone is interested).  I was able to get the ivy vines placed (purchased at least 3 years ago) and arranged all the rooster décor that I have been collecting (like forever) and transformed my kitchen. It still has some minor tweaking but for goodness sake, it took at least three years of saying “I’m gonna do this” and 3 hours of labor to actually get it done. At least this time, this was “my project.” Bob can’t say, “why is it when YOU have a project, it always involves me?” Well, just wait until he has a project and thinks I should be involved in it. J

The kids are all doing well. Abby is busy at school and work as is Greg. We had a great time watching the Vikings play the Saints (boo on the results) Sunday night at Greg and Rachel’s and really enjoyed the company. Rob and Tiffany attended her sister’s wedding over the weekend are on a mini vacation in Charleston, SC. Please pray for Rob and Tiffany as the Army has plans for him a little sooner than expected.

Love to all,

Bonnie

"Live with expectancy, let God work as HE sees fit...we need to give Him elbow room...stop crowding HIM out."
Oswald Chambers....sort of a quote.

January 5, 2010 - Cycle 8, Day 1

Hello Everyone,

Happy New Year a few days late, I hope that everyone enjoyed the Christmas holiday and are settling into your routines with as little “pain” as possible as 2010 begins. I know that it’s tough getting back into the groove.

We ended 2009 and started 2010 with a new challenge. We began our trip to Georgia/Alabama to see Rob and Tiffany on Christmas day. We made it to Berea, KY the first night which is when I discovered a red spot on my right leg below my knee. It started out about the size of a dime and it grew to about the size of a baseball and at times was purple almost black (oh and painful). We didn’t disrupt our trip by going to a clinic (I know, probably not the wisest of decisions, but I didn’t want to go. Besides, as I told my doctor this morning, I knew I would have to give my medical history and there is just too much to remember and sometimes I just don’t want to have to think about it). At first we thought it might be a blood clot. But Dr. Goodman was not totally convinced that it was a blood clot, perhaps an infection caused by a scrape or bug bite, especially since it is responding to the antibiotics. I am thankful that it continues to improve. So, we deal with that and as an added precaution, they ordered lab work last week. The results gave us something else to be concerned with, a low platelet count of 26. That required a return trip to the lab Saturday morning to have more labs, which did show an improvement to 61. The problem, for day one those counts need to be 100 or better. Many of you have prayed for that over the weekend and I am happy to say, that once again God has been gracious and all the counts were good (126 for the platelets) and I was able to receive the chemo and BSI today. He is awesome!

I have started a letter/update/history of the last 6 months of 2009, it’s not easy.  I know there is the blog and most of the time it caught exactly what was going on, sometimes it didn’t. It’s much easier talking about the medical process (I know, just contradicted myself) but it’s even harder sharing about the about the internal process. I had myself convinced that I shouldn’t always share how God was dealing with me and the comfort He supplied during the hardest of times. I didn’t want to come across as too spiritual or “preachy,” in a word I was being prideful. God got a hold of me today when I read the December 31, 2009 entry of my devotional (yes, I was behind, better late than never).

‘If God has shown you something today from His Word, then it is imperative that you share it with another Christian. As we have been saying, nothing is really ours until we share it – the expression will deepen the impression. So in seeking to stay spiritually fresh, discipline yourself to share appropriate issues with your Christian and non-Christian friends…..Someone has defined a Christian as one who says by word or deed: “Let me commend my Savior to you.” ’Malachi 3:16  Selwyn Hughes

I know what commend means but want to share with you an “official” definition. Commend is a verb (used with object) it means to present, mention, or praise as worthy of confidence, notice, kindness, etc.; recommend: to commend a friend to another. With that, I commend my Savior, my Friend - to you, my friend, and invite you to praise Him with me because He is worthy of our confidence no matter what we might be facing and we should always be ready to share what He is doing.

Happy New Year and love to all,

Bonnie

PS  We went to Wal-Mart to get a few groceries today. As we exited, Bob says, “I’m not sure where we are parked.” To that I replied, “This is why I don’t go places by myself anymore.” We found the car after a couple of minutes and his smart remark was, “I was seconds away from calling the police.”  I don’t remember what I said but I’m sure it wasn’t very nice and I might have hit him, not sure.  J

December 27, 2009

The busyness of the season has occupied a lot of our time and I haven’t spent a much time on the computer.  This is the first Christmas in a very long time that all the shopping and most of the wrapping was done before Christmas Eve, in fact, most of it was completed at least a week before. I knew I needed to take advantage of the good days and get as much done as possible, especially during the chemo vacation I had with Cycle 6. As usual we completely over did it, but what can I say? (I might have taken a little advantage of my situation, but sometimes you gotta do whatcha gotta do, right?) Today I have no regrets but Bob might when the bills start pouring in. J

I completed the Cycle 7 treatments on Christmas Eve then Bob and I picked up the rental car for our trip. We spent the rest of day cleaning and getting ready for our Annual Christmas Eve Snack Food Feast (wings, bagel bites, mozzarella cheese sticks, mini tacos, sausage balls and whatever else we can stuff in our faces).  Greg and Rachel joined us when he got off work and we ate some more and played UNO Attack. They rejoined us Christmas morning when we opened our gifts and, of course, ate some more. Later that morning, Bob, Abby and I packed up the car and started our drive to Alabama to see Rob and Tiffany. We drove mostly in the rain and made it to Berea, KY where we spent the night. We were back on the road before seven the next morning and made it to Columbus, GA by oneish the day after Christmas. It is really good to see Rob and Tiffany and to meet Maggie, the newest granddog. She and Cady are both cute dogs and it fun to watch them interact.

My sincerest hope is that all had a joyous Christmas and are looking toward the New Year with the hope that comes from God and the relationship we have with our Lord Jesus. He is the One who can make all things new and the One I will put my trust in. Put your trust in Him!

If I don’t update before, Happy New Year and love to all,

Bonnie